The Sick

Two of my four kids are sick. Not the "I'm so tired and warn out I just want to lay around all day" kind of sick. The I'm going to barf all night, have horrible diarrhea in the morning, and act totally fine the rest of the day easing you in to a sense of security so you feed them a real dinner and then they barf all over their bed and then your bed that night kind of sick.

When you're the main caretaker of said sick children through the night and all through the day it's exhausting. Lack of sleep can cause crankiness in even the most calm and rational parent, not to mention the toll it takes on the sick kids.

For some of us also struggling with keeping the fine balance that is our mental illness in check it can be especially trying. Irritability and being quick to anger are some of the worst qualities that come out in me when I'm sleep deprived and run ragged by 24/7 care of other people without a break for days on end.

Finding a way to combat the knee jerk responses I have to my children's constant needs during bouts of prolonged illness is paramount. A lot of times I'll ask one of the older kids (if they're well) to keep an eye on the little ones for a few minutes while I escape to wash the smell of blueberry vomit from the night before off of me. I don't hesitate to put Netflix on and create a sick kid sanctuary complete with snacks and soothing beverages.

I try not to let the Guilt sink in. The land of the internet is really good at making parents feel inferior for not making ginger and garlic infused caffeine free roobios tea with sweet potato puree patties fried in coconut oil with cinnamon and cardamom as a snack while the sick children soak in a bath of epsom salt and lavender oil while listening to Shakespeare's complete works on Audible.

The biggest problems come when I am also struck down by The Sick. My ailment does not stop the children's need for me, whether they are also sick or not. There is no break. There is temporary relief from my spouse and older children, but it only last a short time before it is me and only me who is needed and no one else will do.

When you struggle with mental illness as a parent The Sick sometimes looks nothing like the flu or food poisoning. Sometimes it looks like being unable to lift your limbs to make cereal for breakfast or brew a pot of coffee to try and pull yourself up. Sometimes it looks like frantically trying to fix everything in the house all at once flitting from one project to the next haphazardly creating more messes than you're fixing all while barely keeping up with your kids needs because the floors are so gross and I can't remember the last time I cleaned out the fridge, but this pile of mail is sure to have a medical bill I forgot about in it and who left this crockpot full of split pea soup for three days?!

When things fall apart try to remember that you're trying. That no one is going to remember your kids watched a marathon of all the J.R.R. Tolkien movies because everyone loves a good movie about dragon's, orcs, and elves. You're kids will remember that you did the best you could even if they lived off of popcorn, popsicles, and ginger ale for two days. Even if it took you 45 minutes to make pb&j's because you were vomiting every 5 minutes and had a fever of 102. Even if you were frantically trying to fix everything wrong in your life and only slowing down to feed them and break up fights. Even if you couldn't get out of bed and instead cuddled under the covers together for as long as you could convince them to stay.

You're trying. You're doing your best. The Sick can't last forever.

*Side note: Vomit comprised almost exclusively of blueberries is disgusting and stains, badly. FYI. You're welcome.