I post on Facebook. A lot. Actually, if you're reading this it's probably because I posted it on my Facebook page. That means that my friends, acquaintances, childhood pals, ex-coworkers, relatives, and people I met through homeschooling all know a whole lot about my life.
I am obviously not bothered by this. It's actually kind of freeing to be "out" about my mental illness, specifically. I don't feel like I'm hiding anything. I don't feel like I'm perpetuating the idea that it's something shameful.
It helps to know that if I'm out with people and I need to leave it's not necessary to come up with some excuse. I can just say I have to go and hopefully they'll understand.
I don't get invited out much anymore (except to homeschool events for the kids) and it's probably a combination of things that led to this. I have small children and not a lot of options for sitters. I have spent the last four years or so declining invitations under the guise of "oh, small kids, can't sorry!" when about half the time I really just wasn't up to leaving my house.
I wish I had gotten help earlier so I could have told people it's not personal, I'm just struggling right now. I'll get back to socializing like a normal person eventually. Please keep offering. It'll happen.
It's one of those things that no one tells you about being on the other side of diagnosis. You look back on all the things you could have done differently had you known what was happening. All the relationships you self sabotaged. All the awkward escapes from parties that left you mortified to see that group of people again. All the people who took advantage of you, but you kept letting back in because you thought being a good friend meant being a doormat.
Most people around me have been kind and accepting of who I am, now that I have more information about myself to give them. A few have reached out to tell me about their struggles and to express gratitude for being open about my own which has made them feel less alone. I hope it makes all of us feel more comfortable going out in to the world and wearing our crazy on our sleeves.
Go out when you can. Invite others over when you can't. Be open. Tell the world if you're comfortable with that. Tell your friends, if the world is too much. Tell your family, if they're the good kind of family. It'll free you to seek companionship without pretense. It'll give you the space to be yourself no matter who you're with, knowing that you have someone who is aware what you're coping with that has your back.
Post about it. Write about it. Talk about it. It's you and you're awesome.
No comments:
Post a Comment